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No
calories in thy presence last.
Let no fat adhere to me,
And as I will So Mote It BE!
Nestle's
Quik where thou art cast
Turn this milk to chocolate, fast.
Let all good things come to me,
And make my milk all chocolatey!
Cast
the Circle (using a tootsie roll):
Call
the Quarters:
Mousse of the East, Fluffy one!
Great prince of the palace of dessert.
Be present, we pray thee,
And guard this circle from all moochers
Approaching from the East.
Fondue
of the South, Molten One!
Great prince of the palace of decadence.
Be present we pray thee,
And guard this circle from all diets
Approaching from the south.
Cocoa
of the west, Satisfying One!
Great prince of the palace of thirst.
Be present we pray thee,
And guard this circle from all carob
Approaching from the West.
Rocky
Road of the North, Cold one!
Great prince of the palace of crunchy.
Be present we pray thee,
And guard this circle from all cheap imitations Approaching from the
North.
Main
Ritual:
HANDMAIDEN (Henceforth known as the Swiss Miss):
Listen to the words of the Mother of Chocolate; who was of old
called;
Godiva, Ethel M, Sara Lee, Nestle, Mrs. See, and by many other
names:
HPS:
Whenever you have one of those cravings, once in a while and better
it be when your checkbook is full, then shall you assemble in a
great public place and bring offerings of money to the spirit of Me,
who is Queen of all Goodies.
In the Mall shall you assemble, you
who have eaten all your chocolate and are hungry for more. To you I
shall bring Good Things for your tongue. And you shall be free
from depression, and as a sign that you are truly free, you shall
have chocolate smears on your cheeks, and you shall munch, nosh,
snack, feast, and make yummy noises, all in my presence. For mine is
the ecstasy of phenylalanine (FEEN-EL-AL-A-NEEN), and mine also is
Joy on Earth, yea, even into High Orbit, for my law is "Melts
in your mouth, not in your hand."
Keep clean your fingers, carry Wet Ones always, let none stop you or
turn you aside. For mine is the secret that opens your mouth, and
mine is the taste that puts a smile on your lips and comfy, padding
pounds on your hips.
I am the Gracious Goddess who gives
the gift of joy unto the tummies of
men and women. Upon earth, I give knowledge of all things delicious,
and beyond death........well, I can't do much there. Sorry about
that.
I demand only your money in sacrifice; for behold, chocolate is a
business, and you have to pay for those truffles before you eat
them.
SWISS
MISS: Hear now the words of the Goodie Goddess, she in the dust of
whose feet are the cheap imitations, whose body graces candy racks
and finer stores everywhere:
I, who am the beauty of chocolate
chips, and the satisfying softness of big bars, the mystery of how
they get the filling inside of truffles, and fill the hearts of all
but Philistines with desire, call unto thy soul to arise and come
unto me. For I am the soul of candy; from me do all confections
spring, and unto me all of you shall return, again.....and
again..........and again..................and again. Before my
smeared face, beloved of Women and Men, thine innermost divine self
shall be enfolded in the rapture of overdose. Let my taste be within
thy mouth that rejoices.
For behold, all acts of yumminess and
pleasure are my rituals. Therefore let there be gooeyness and mess,
crispness and crackling, big slabs and bite size pieces, peanut
butter and chocolate covered cherries all within you. And you
who think to seek me, know that your seeking and yearning shall
avail you not unless you know the Mystery; "We will sell no
chocolate until you pay for it." For behold; I have been with
you since you were just a baby, and I am that which is attained at
nearly any shop in the land. Messed Be.
SWISS
MISS: Hear now the words of the Chocolate God, who was of old called
Ghirardelli, Milton Snavely Hershey, Bosco, Fudgesicle, and by many
other names.
HP: I am the strength of the candy rack, and the piece that fell on
the floor, but looks like it might not have gotten too dirty, and
the deepest bitterness of dark chocolate. No matter how you try to
resist the call of chocolate, I will hunt you out and I will become
your sacred prey.
I am the warmth of hot cocoa in the dead of winter, and the call of
the road that leads you to that really expensive Godiva store
downtown. I give you, my creatures, the fire of love of
chocolate, the power of jaw strength to bite off a piece of that
frozen Milky Way bar, and the shelter of Haagen Daz when that big
date didn't work out. You are dear to me, and I instill in you my
power; the power of a piece of chocolate that you had forgotten you
had hidden, and the power of vision and magickal sight with which
you can spot a candy counter a mile away.
By the powers of the half melted bar
in the glorious sun, I charge you; by the darkest depths of the
bottom of the cocoa pot and the lingering smell of bittersweet
chocolate, I charge you; and by the beauty of a perfectly swirled
vanilla butter cream, I charge you:
Follow your heart and your instinct,
wherever they lead you. The wealth in your pocket can buy you treats
that a Mayan king would envy. Take joy in that first bite of
lecithin emulsified cocoa, and in the last satisfying slurp of
Yoo-Hoo. Yet you must be wary of deceit. Eat not of that which is
called "Baking Chocolate," for it is vile and bitter.
Lastly, always remember to leave some
chocolate behind you. Be not greedy, but let yourself be known as a
connoisseur. Leave a little for someone else.
I am with you always, just over your
shoulder, or around the next corner. I am the Lord of Chocolate, and
when you have reached the end of your hoard, I will never be farther
away from you than that 7-Eleven on the corner.
I am the spirit of the Wild Child;
the Inner Child who can never get quite enough.
If you are a true chocolate lover,
then your soul and mine are intertwined.
Cupcakes
& Yoo-Hoo:
(The blessing of the Yoo-Hoo)
HP:
Be it known that milk chocolate is not better than dark chocolate.
HPS: Nor is dark chocolate better than milk chocolate.
HP: For both are better than the falsely named
'white chocolate,'
HPS: And neither one is carob.
HP: As the frosting is to the cupcake,
HPS: So the creamy nougat is to the Milky Way Bar.
BOTH: And when they are eaten, they are yummy in truth, for
there is no greater snack in all the world than one made of
chocolate.
(The
blessing of the cupcakes)
HP: Frosting is keen,
HPS: And the filling is neat.
BOTH: Great Goddess! Let's eat!
Feasting
and drinking (chocolate liquer, if possible,) music and dance.
Dismiss
the Quarters:
HPS:
Oh, ye mighty goodies of the ______,
We thank you for attending our rites and guarding our circle And ere
you depart for your sweet and sticky realms, We say unto you,
"N-E-S-T-L-E-S, Nestles makes the very best."
ALL: "Chooooc-laaate."
(After all quarters have been dismissed, give a final, satisfying
belch at the East.)
Close
circle.
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(copyright
August 1993, John L. Shepard. Permission is given to post anywhere
as long as the content is not altered and this notice is attached)
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